We have been asked to describe more fully what happens during the Lambs for Children Programme so we have prepared the following.
In order to appreciate the “grief work” that a child receives from
The Edith Fox Life & Loss Centre, imagine that you are under the big willow tree on the driveway…
Just like clockwork, a parent or grandparent or best friend will drive a child to 1931 Northport Road, Prince Edward County. The group starts when the child says good-bye to that adult and runs to the “Pig House.” (Our Therapy Centre.)
An experienced helper and a clinical grief therapist always noting the way they enter, how their mood reflects their emotions, whether it is with sadness, frustration, anger, or tiredness, warmly greet them. For 90 minutes per week for 8 weeks they have the undivided attention of two caring adults who work every minute to foster self-esteem and self-expression. It is the self-esteem that has been fractured by a loss. (Loss of a loved one by death, divorce, foster care, living with a critical illness, a first pet, or a witness to an abusive relationship, bullying etc.)
Once in the Pig House someone will choose a stuffed animal to be part of the group’s check-in, a routine with which we start every session. This ritual mirrors our First Nations who utilize the “talking stick” – passing a token from one to another around the gathered group. The children start to weave their personal story of loss with each other, often prompted by a story about “A Hurt” that takes over a child’s world. And then the reality of truth is faced with their individual loss. A child may disclose their biggest hurt that very first week, others may need more trust within this process and we wait till he or she feels confident to share. We take them to the dance and they lead – furthering basic values of respect and compassion for each other.
Following the introductory ritual, we move to a home-made snack – balancing healthy eating habits with creativity. Often children enjoying this nurturing aspect continue to disclose how their family’s lives have been affected. It seems with the challenges of parenting traditional meal times are often neglected and some children have never experienced this opportunity for comfortable casual discussion.
Next, we get to the business of the bunnies and each child holds their bunny wrapped in a towel so safe and secure…just like they themselves need to be held. The joy of giving the bunnies their carrots and building bunny houses or bunny day cares elicit more stories about their individual needs or concerns. Artistic and horticultural experiences, silent walks to actually stop, look and listen at the wonder of nature are also used to increase awareness and develop skills more fully. Sometimes the children are physically tired from their grief and enjoy the fact they can choose to just be quiet, sit near the fire and hold their bunny and even that is therapeutic…
One child had never seen a rainbow and with his father in jail and a young mother stressed in caring for him, he remarked at how little hope he had in his world. That night after the children left we had a tropical rain and a wonderful rainbow, which we captured for him by digital camera…next week seemed easier!
The session ends by giving sound, laughter and reflection on what was accomplished that day. And as all this unfolds the therapist works the balance between what is going on for the group and what is stirring up emotionally, physically and spiritually for the individual child. By building stronger communication skills, which reflect their feelings, they learn that their grief is similar yet different.
If this group process can occur at what I term the “primal wound” (the first loss experience) it presents a crucial opportunity to teach that life is not static and that diversity is integral to the formation of healthy communities. We all have or will experience loss and the self-awareness and life coping skills provided at LAMBS are invaluable.
Life is never just black and white.
The most recent Lambs group made a wreath for The Festival of Trees supporting other children with cancer. Several children made felted lambs; another attached a heart for love and another child who had experienced a recent death of his brother, gave me these words…Hope, Health, Happiness, Love and Peace.
Another child was exploring HOPE in her grief over the death of her father.
She offered this insight:
H is for hard because grief for a kid is hard,
O is for obstinate – ‘cause I have been really angry and
P is for promise it will get better and
E is for EASY, because I had Lambs!
We validate their grief process and give them tools to live life fully and effectively.
We provide professional clinical grief therapy to help the individual recreate their world after all aspects of loss and transition. Our next group starts March 25…
Kathleen Foster-Morgan
Clinical Psychotherapist
T 613.476.1128
www.edithfoxcentre.org
